I'll figure things out as they happen

BANG!

So, pretty self explanitory. Not at all like myself. I usually pre-plan, but in the last two years, that work habit has slowly deteriorated. A double-barreled shot gun in arms takes aim, I slowly bring my foot in to sight. At this point, I can hardly resist pulling the trigger even though I know it's wrong. What's it called when you start to giggle in a situation you know is spinning out of control? When the only thing you can do is accept the consequences of your actions?